The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My ass is underappreciated
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize