there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
