Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
