I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
