glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
