jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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