The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize