Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
