Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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