went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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