Sry I called you an 8
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
