"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
