all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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