My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
