I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
