Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
