he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
