I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
