Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
