bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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