Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
