Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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