I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
