Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
