Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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