her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you traded sex for a burrito?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
