Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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