I wish my penis had an off switch
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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