I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
