Michael Bay diarrhea
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
