i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
