every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
