He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
