and you said cock pushups were impossible
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Four minutes until I can fart!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
