3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
