What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize