Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
