he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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