oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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