You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
