My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
