Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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