Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
