Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
