This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
