I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
