Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
