he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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