Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
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