Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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