I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
