Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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