So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
