Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
