So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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