His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize