My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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