Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
