So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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