There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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