I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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