my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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