OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
