Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
