Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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