Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize