There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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