Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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