Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
