smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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