Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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