Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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