ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Swine flu is the new snow day.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
