why didn't you poke me back
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
