I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
